Selfish Me

I am a very selfish person. I always have been (just ask one of my sisters). I just spent most of my life not really caring that much about it. I guess it's taken a husband and kids for me to acknowledge how incredibly selfish a person I am cable of being.

This past year I have done a lot of things for me. Maybe I felt the kids were starting to get more independent so this was acceptable now, idk. Here are a few of the things I spend my time doing: reading copious amounts of fan fiction, reading lots of books, writing, attempting to learn to play guitar, listening to music, stickin' new holes in my face. The selfishness isn't just me doing these things, but all the things I'm not doing because I'm doing all this other stuff. I'm also horrible at sharing everything, short tempered (there's more, but lettuce get to the point)... I guess it's been a year of reinvention. Reinventing my me. Or digging. Maybe digging is a better way to put it. I know I'm in there. I've just been trying to find me.

Some part of me feels like this is a totally acceptable thing to do. I lost a huge chunk of my me when I met my hubs (which sucks, but I was 17, I didn't know any better) and then the rest of me bought a first class ticket to nowhere when I started having the kids. Feeling a bit lost these last few years I was thinking it was about time to get me back.

Another part of me thinks I need to shut up and suck it up. No, when you're 17 you shouldn't give up all your interests for a boy, but at the same time incorporating new people in your life means opening up to new things (obviously not exactly what I did, but whatever). Having kids means change too. You do have to give up a lot. Little mini's require a lot of attention. And isn't that what I always wanted? Duh...

So there's got to be some sort of middle ground, right?

Where?

Anyone?

I have to be a happy momma to do all of the things I need to do for my kids. I need to do things for me too... circles... I'm getting dizzy.

How can I do things for me and not be selfish, or feel like I'm being selfish. Mabye I need to start smaller. All I know is I don't have the answers, but hopefully I'm learning and I can be a better me.